Wow - It's been a while. I've been spending a lot of time reflecting over the past few days. I felt the need to write so...I wrote a letter to my baby boy. Someday he will read it and he will understand. As adults- you will understand where this is coming from. This was really important for me to write so I hope you'll enjoy reading. Sorry there are no pictures - just words.
I'm hoping to be sharing more with everyone soon. Until then...
Dear Dean,
Sweet baby boy...I'm so sorry it's been such a long time since I've put pen to paper to write to you. Since I'm with you every day I don't think to write - but the days go by so fast and you change so much - I feel like I'm going to forget everything. I need to be better about writing down your milestones and accomplishments. For example, out of the blue yesterday, Dec. 16, 2012, you decided you wanted to feed yourself with your own spoon! I couldn't believe it! I was so proud of you!
On my way to work this morning I turned off the radio and I spent the whole hour reflecting on how life has changed for me, for you, and for so many others. I spent the time thinking about you and about all the things you don't understand yet. I thought about all the things I want you to know, and about all the things I wish I could shield you from permanently. Someday you will understand. I wish you didn't have to, but I can't keep everything from you. It wouldn't be fair, and it wouldn't be right. Sometimes we are exposed to things that we shouldn't have to be exposed to. Sometimes we will suffer when it isn't fair. Sometimes we will be spared, and we can use this good fortune to help others and to do good things.
There have been some things going on in the world lately that remind me to take a moment to appreciate how fortunate I am. To take the time to reflect on how precious your little life is, and everyone's lives are for that matter. I want you to know that I think about you every second of every day. I think about how beautiful you are. How smart you are. How proud I am of you every moment. How impressed I am by your small accomplishments and your huge milestones. You remind me of how important it is to celebrate the small things. How important it is to recognize and appreciate all the little things in life.
Some day you will understand how lucky and privileged you are to be surrounded by wonderful family and friends. You have a support system and role models that some people only dream they could have. As your mama - I hope to raise you to understand how lucky we are. I hope to instill values in you that we can all be proud of. I hope to teach you to appreciate everyone, to treat all people with respect, to raise you with a sense of understanding and patience. I hope to help you grow into a good person who does good things. I hope that you will use the morals you learn to help other people, to stand up for others, and to be a person others know they can always rely on.
As your parent, I fear for you. I know that the world is not always a safe place. I know now that I cannot take things for granted. I know that I cannot let my guard down. I know that although I want to trust everyone I encounter - it won't always be possible. I know that sometimes the best laid plans don't turn out the way one anticipates. However, I also know that we can't live our lives in fear. We must go on. We must be brave and confident. We must live a life we can be proud of. Sometimes things will happen that are beyond our control - but we must deal with these things. We can learn from these things.
I hope I am a good enough parent to teach you to be a strong person. I hope I can instill the values in you that I think are important. I hope you choose to use these values to do good things. I hope that our society can share the same values. I hope that the world you know when you grow up is a world you can be proud of.
Most of all I hope you grow into a person who chooses to do good. Everyone has a choice - in all things. You will learn this some day. I know that all people make mistakes. We all make bad choices from time to time - but I hope that you will make choices you are proud of. I hope you will learn from your bad choices and make better choices the next time around.
I am so proud of you little boy. I love you more than words can ever describe. You have taught me so much already in your short life. I will learn from you and make better choices because of you. I promise to always try to be the best parent I know how to be. I will always keep trying and keep learning new things. I promise to always try to relate to you and to share my experiences with you. I will always try to take a moment to appreciate life and to appreciate how fortunate I am. You have taught me a new type of love. I hope that some day you can experience the same love for a child. It will change your life. It will change everything you've ever known.
I love you handsome boy!
Love,
Mama
